important announcement.

Ahem, ladies and gentlemen? Yes, I have an announcement.

It has been decided upon by a committee of highly astute people and by scientific survey that so-called “comedian,” one Mr. Dane Cook, is officially declared “not funny.”

Despite popular belief and a near-rabid following, it shall remain proven henceforth that Mr. Cook’s jokes are trite, his attitude smarmy, his looks unremarkable (no, ladies and gentlemen, he is not “hot”), his accent annoying, and his talent mediocre at best. His general status can best be described with the adjectives “obnoxious” and “overrated.”

Furthermore, anyone who allows himself to be romantically linked to Jessica Simpson is hereby granted the label of “douche bag.”

You, Mr. Cook, have officially been declared “not funny,” i.e., your jokes do not make me laugh.

Best of luck in your future endeavors.

-gigi frankenstein-


feeling fine.

I am feeling much, much better today. Turns out, not only was I in a ferocious mood, but I was sick, too. Still kind of am, but not nearly as bad as I was yesterday. I went home early from work, watched Kate and Leopold and fell asleep for a while. I also took some good immune system-boosting vitamins and went to bed early.

Yesterday evening, Kitten was sitting at the dining room table with Manny, working on some pages from her Little Critter workbook. One exercise had her choose which pictures began with the sound of a certain letter. This is how I know my daughter is very bright. For the letter L, there was a picture of a lock. “Key!” she guessed. “Nope, try again,” said Manny. “Hmmm… PRISON!” she exclaimed. For the letter K, there was a picture of a pig wearing a crown to symbolize a king. Stating the obvious, Kitten immediately declared him a “pig queen!”


Today, at 4:30 PM Vancouverian time, Corinna and Adam are tying the knot, getting hitched, and being made into an honest woman and man, respectively. I am so very happy for them, and you should be, too.

Only 48 days left until Manny and I get married in a bar. Whoo hooo!!!


ought to write a letter.

Dear CNN:
I am really sick of reading about Jill Carroll and her abduction that happened eight months ago. Somehow, I think that there is more important front-page news out there somewhere.

Dear Amy Krouse Rosenthal:
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your book Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. It was very well-written and highly entertaining.

Dear Bee:
Please get the fuck out of my car and away from my cup of hot coffee.



I don’t like to use the phrase or acronym “Thank God It’s Friday/TGIF,” because it’s such a prosaic, overused phrase. Friends, if you use this phrase, I won’t think less of you, just know that I, personally, won’t be using it.

However, I will celebrate the relief that Friday brings all the same.

I will also do my blogger duty and perform the Friday Five right about… now.

Theme: Back To School Blues
1. When you were a kid, do you do back-to-school shopping?
Yes, I did, for both clothes and supplies. To this day, I still get the urge to go shopping most heavily during this time of year. Nothing thrills me like the smell of a box of crayons.

2. Do you still peruse the back-to-school aisles now that you’re grown up?
Yes! And this year, since Kitten is in preschool, I actually got to purchase back-to-school supplies for her. I was so happy!

3. What back-to-school item did you just have to have, only later to find out it wasn’t as useful as you thought?
I think I speak for everyone when I say the words “Trapper Keeper.” It was such a status symbol. I tried so hard to make it as functional as possible. I’d start off with folders, color-coded and neatly labeled, a fresh notebook, lots of pencils, but by about October, it would just be a mess. It looked cool, though.

4. What is your favorite TV show about school?
My automatic response is Saved By the Bell. But really, I’d say that My So-Called Life, while not entirely about school, qualifies and is therefore my favorite.

5. What was your favorite and least favorite part of going back to school?
Favorite: Having the chance, every August, to re-invent myself. All summer long, I’d plan to come back to school as a smarter, cooler, more fashionable and pulled-together Gigi Frankenstein, but it never happened. Okay, I think it happened once, in high school, but that was it.
Least Favorite: Getting used to not sleeping in, homework, drama, and cafeteria food.


memory # 132.

I am eight years old. I am in the third grade. It is a rainy, chilly November day. I am wearing a red turtleneck. I do not feel good. I think I have a fever. It is silent reading time during class, and I am currently working on Ramona Quimby, Age 8. I love the Ramona books. I think I even look a bit like Ramona.

I am reading a chapter in which Ramona is sick, and she throws up in front of the entire class. Reading this makes me feel even worse, and I tell my teacher that I think I may have a fever. She takes my temperature with the very weird thermometer strips, and then sends me to the nurse’s office. On the way there, I can’t stop thinking about Ramona throwing up. By the time I reach the nurse’s office, I feel like dying. I lay down on the very hard plastic cot while the nurse calls my mom to come pick me up. I throw up in a trash can. Eventually my mom arrives, signs me out, and takes me home. I fall asleep in my bed to the sound of the rain on my window.


yesterday was a big day.

Total number of children taken to kindergarten: 1.
Total number of individual cars driven: 3.
Total number of hours spent at the car dealership: 2.
Total number of new cars purchased: 1.

C’s first day of kindergarten went very well. We took her to the school an hour early so we could look around the place. Her elementary school looks like a very nice, very fun place to be. There were framed black-and-white prints of various celebrities and quotes, and C instantly identified John Lennon and Yoko Ono (before Kermit the Frog, even!). We were accosted by some lovely ladies from the PTO during the parents’ coffee, where we had to explain our rather unorthodox situation. Yes, C has two mommies, no, it’s not “like that,” and yes, it is possible for the mother and stepmother to be not only in the same room, but good friends! It’s almost funny how many people are surprised by this.

Anyway, C’s teacher seems wonderful, and her classroom was quite possibly the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. It made me desperately want to be five years old again, when the world is still a magnificent mystery punctuated by new discoveries and snack breaks.

Later that evening, after spending over two hours at the car dealership making hardheaded negotiations, I finally acquired a new car (hooray, no more little brother’s car! hooray, i only drove a rental for 10 hours!). I am now the proud driver of a 2005 Ford Focus. I got a crazy deal on it, and it’s a great car. Manny has informed me that I am not to go putting any “bumper stickers or shit” on it, because he wants to “keep it classy.” I agree, but I may sneak a sticker on to the back window or something. Maybe, just maybe…